


songs about drifters, books about the same

by wyoheartsmusic



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Even doesn't have a good life either, Fist Fights, Isak's life is fucked up, M/M, but they learn to (kinda) trust each other, fuck buddies, they're pretty alone in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 13:46:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15607584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyoheartsmusic/pseuds/wyoheartsmusic
Summary: There's a universe in which Isak hasn't met Eskild at exactly the right moment in his life so everything is a little bit more fucked up. He still meets Even but it's complicated.Or: Isak fights to earn money and Even is a nice distraction.





	songs about drifters, books about the same

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Let's just pretend writing this fic hasn't completely ruined me. I'm trying to get the second part out as fast as possible.
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU TO [MARTA](mfrov95.tumblr.com) FOR THE AMAZING ART THAT INSPIRED THIS FIC. You're an incredible artist and I will forever be in awe of your talent. I also can't wait for your original comic you're working on right now because what I've seen so far is nothing short of spectacular. I love you <333
> 
> Another big thank you to Noah who gave me the line about Even opening up to Isak for the first time. I wouldn't have been able to do this without your encouragement. You rock and I can't wait to see you again lsdhfshf <333
> 
> Thank you to everyone else who talked me through writing this. I'm sorry if this sucks.

+

The punch to his jaw knocked Isak straight off his feet. For that fraction of a moment when everything was silent and everything was dark, Isak remembered the first time he had been in this position.

When he had to be carried away because he had been so beaten up that he hadn’t been able to move on his own.

Things had changed, though. He wasn’t the weak boy anymore he had once been.

He was stronger now, physically and mentally.

The pain was nothing.

Later, sure. 

But not right now.

He scrambled back to his feet, smirking at his opponent.

If not taller, his opponents were usually broader than him. All the muscles he had worked on getting were nothing compared to those hulks. But it didn’t matter, because Isak had learned how to fight. He was smart and agile; two traits that most of them were lacking.

Everything after standing back up again was a blur. It always was.

Isak relied on his instincts, the rage pouring out of him and manifesting on his opponent’s face in the form of bruises and the way his bones cracked coming in contact with Isak’s fists.

It always seemed to catch Isak off guard, when random snippets of his past caught up to him. It never happened outside of a fight — Isak didn’t let his brain go to those dark places — but in the quiet moments. When his opponent got a punch in or like right now, when Isak won the fight and the cheering and booing of the crowd bled away and there was only the rush of blood in his ears.

Isak remembered a time when he hadn’t been this angry all the time. He looked down at his defeated opponent and bile rose in his throat at his bashed in face. _You did that,_ a voice sneered in his head. Once upon a time, Isak hadn’t even imagined that his future could be this violent. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Isak spat out, his saliva red from blood. For a moment, he closed his eyes and when he opened them back up, the chants of the crowd washed over him.

He let himself smile.

Smiled more when the prize money was pushed almost unceremoniously into his hands in a thick envelope.

Isak let himself be celebrated a little bit before he slipped away, dodging Niko. He found his ratty denim jacket, stuffing the envelope in a secret pocket on the inside.

The fresh air on his wrecked face was a blessing. He hadn’t had a mirror, but his nose had been bashed in, bleeding and there was a cut on his left cheek. Everything felt a little numb, he wasn’t quite sure when the pain would set in.

In the pocket of his jacket, Isak felt his pack of cigs but before he pulled that out, he reached for the roll of bandages he always kept with him.

It was a bit of a ritual, some kind of meditation almost, the way he patched himself up. His knuckles were fucked up, bloody, torn up and sore. Nothing new. Isak taped his fingers, blood soaking the bandages almost immediately. Well, fuck.

Whatever.

Isak got his cigarettes out of his pocket, gingerly pulling one out of the pack. He lit it and the way the toxic smoke infested his lungs was a relief.

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Within a few short moments, the cigarette was gone and he lit the next one. While smoking that one, not quite as frantic, he opened his eyes back up, taking in his surroundings.

The fighting ring was in a rundown street and occupied by sleazy, shady-looking folks. The only reason why Isak had never been mugged was probably because people _knew_ of him — and what he was capable of. Their fights were kept hush hush but anyone who spent — god knows why they would — a little more time in this street, would know that something was going on. Had probably watched one or the other fight.

Isak’s wandering eyes stopped when they met a pair of twinkling black eyes. From the shadows, a tall, dark figure emerged, eyes unwavering on Isak.

Isak felt a tug in his stomach. It wasn’t quite uncomfortable but not comfortable either. Isak inhaled the smoke from his cigarette deeply, keeping it in his lungs for a long moment. He imagined it killing him on the spot.

It was a strangely morbid thought. _Comforting._

“Got one more?” The stranger asked, voice so low it sent shivers down Isak’s spine.

Isak figured he’d been watched for a while already so there was no point in pretending he didn’t have more cigs. “Sure,” He muttered, handing over one and lighting it for him.

The stranger didn’t leave, instead they sat side by side in silence.

There was a craving in Isak he couldn’t describe. It haunted him after each and every fight. His body was covered in bruises and blood, mangled and all Isak wanted was a touch that wasn’t meant to harm. It didn’t need to be gentle, in fact he’d rather have it leave bruises, he just _wanted_.

Isak finished his own cigarette and threw it to the ground, stubbing it out. His eyes drifted to the guy next to him, contemplating his next words. Eventually, he asked, “Is your place close by?”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, cig dangling between his full lips. “Uh, why?” He shot back uncertainly.

It made the corners of Isak’s mouth tug up slightly. Smart boy, that one, not just offering where he was living to a shady stranger. “I want to fuck you and my place is kinda out of the way.” Not that he’d ever bring anyone there.

“ _What_?” 

Isak rolled his eyes, leaning closer to the guy. His breath hot against his ear, he whispered, “I want to fuck you or if you like, you can fuck me. Either’s fine with me. So, your place?”

He stared at Isak dumbfounded for a couple of seconds and Isak couldn’t quite tell if he’d agree or decline. But then he nodded slowly, “Okay.”

Isak felt something akin to excitement bounce in his body. He knew better than to pull the stranger in for a kiss on a street like this one but maybe the anticipation made it even better.

The moment the door clicked shut behind them, Isak pounced on the guy, attacking his lips hungrily. There was something so liberating about an anonymous mouth against his own. Isak pushed him against the door, positioning his leg between his. His hands explored the body under them eagerly and Isak revelled in the little sounds he could draw out of the other guy.

It was easy to get lost in the feeling of the other man’s hands on him. There wasn’t any softness in the touches, just as desperate as Isak felt, but they still felt soothing on the spots were fists had tried to break him.

Isak let his mouth explore down the man’s body, revelling in the way he arched into it, back lifting off the mattress and pale white throat exposed, Adam’s apple bobbing and breathless curses falling from his lips.

The one time his words were coherent, he was asking Isak for his name.

Isak was careful with who he was giving his name to. Considering the shady folks he usually surrounded himself with it was simply the safest call. But sex was something that made him feel real for a little while and he didn’t want that tainted with giving a fake name. “Isak,” He told him quietly, biting at the man’s nipple.

He moaned and Isak’s name tumbled off his lips in the same breath, obscene and beautiful. “‘m Even,” He revealed unprompted.

Isak moved up Even’s body to suck a bruising kiss against his throat. When Isak eventually coated his fingers with lube and opened Even up, feeling the tightness of his walls around his fingers, it was almost a little much to hear Even repeat his name over and over again in his gasping moans.

 

Afterwards, Isak used the duvet to wipe Even’s come off of his body before it got the chance to dry and then promptly crawled out of bed and to the window across the room, opening it to let the cold night air inside while he lit a cigarette. He hadn’t bothered to get dressed so goosebumps appeared on his skin at the cool breeze, but Isak didn’t mind. He was used to much colder temperatures than that without a warm body in the bed behind him that could warm him if he asked for it.

If anything, the cold was nice against his mangled skin. The marks of tonight’s fight now mixed with the marks Even had left right next to them.

“Do you ever not smoke?” Even wondered, as if he had any right to. As if they had known each other for more than a couple of hours — and anyway, they didn’t really know each other beyond their names and maybe a couple preferences when it came to sex.

“No,” Isak said simply and kept looking out the window as he inhaled the toxic fumes.

Even hummed in acknowledgement and the room fell silent again. Unlike Isak, however, Even seemed to be quite talkative after sex so he asked, “Do you want to come back to bed? Cuddle or something? If you’re into that shit?”

Isak froze. He’d been sure they were on the same page about what had happened tonight between them. A quick (phenomenal) fuck to get off, nothing more, nothing less. If Even expected more, he had a big thing coming. “No,” Isak repeated, lighting another cigarette.

He was halfway through with it when Even joined him by the window, snatching the cigarette from him. “Will you stay? Cuddling not included. It’s just late and I thought—“

Isak rolled his eyes. He had liked the guy better when he had looked pretty under him and had kept his mouth shut except for occasionally moaning Isak’s name. “Shut up,” He said gruffly, brushing past Even and crawling back into bed.

He wasn’t going to pass up the chance of a comfortable mattress when his own ratty one was the only thing awaiting him.

 

Isak had hoped that the exhaustion of the fight and then fucking Even would knock him straight out and let him sleep through the night but unfortunately, he had never quite been this lucky in life.

His dreams were haunted by violence. Loud voices and heavy hands. Plates and vases being hurled at his head, which turned into fists trying to beat him into unconsciousness.

Life on the streets had taught Isak how to stay quiet when he had to. So when he finally escaped the clutches of his nightmare, he shot up in bed, breathing laboured but otherwise he was quiet. He hadn’t woken up Even who was snoring softly on the mattress next to him.

Isak wiped the sweat from his forehead and took a couple deep breaths to get his heartbeat under control again. A look at the alarm clock on the bedside table told him it was almost five in the morning. Good enough. Isak sighed and got out of bed, knowing that he wouldn’t get more sleep anyway. He considered just leaving but then hesitated and went in search of the bathroom instead. Enjoying a long, hot shower was something of a luxury to him.

By the time he stepped out of the shower again, his skin was red and raw from the hot water but Isak didn’t care. He quickly put on his clothes, and with a last look at Even to make sure he was still asleep, he left the house.

The tram ride to Deichmans gate wasn’t a long one. He double checked that no one noticed him when he picked the lock of the front door so he could sneak inside to the basement. He’d made it two steps into the hallway when he ran into Eskild, the owner of the kollektiv on the third floor. Isak cringed.

“Isak, hello! Just made it back home?” He asked cheerily but there was always that hint of worry in his eyes when he looked at Isak. Taking in Isak’s appearance, Eskild winced. “Rough night?” He asked.

Isak did not want to talk about it. He hated how chatty Eskild always was. The thing was, they didn’t know each other well and if Isak was being honest, he didn’t know why he was still here. They had met when Eskild had caught Isak breaking into the building a couple months back when the winter had gotten too freezing cold to spend nights on the streets. Isak had been desperate but not desperate enough to try and reconcile with his family so a random building had to make do.

For some reason, Eskild had taken one look at him and had said in a soft, pitying voice that Isak had wanted to punch him for, “My flatmates aren’t around tonight. Do you want to take a shower and maybe stay the night here?” Of course Isak knew all about stranger danger and the conditions of _staying the night_ but Eskild hadn’t tried anything. He had simply fed him and offered his own bed up to him while he had slept on the couch or maybe in one of his flatmates’ beds.

And then he had offered Isak to stay in the basement. It was cold down there but warmer than outside so Isak took it. He had yet to find a different place to stay in — should have done that a long time ago, especially when he had realised that one of Eskild’s flatmates was friends with someone he went to school with.

“School,” Isak mumbled tersely, pushing past Eskild and slipping through the door that led down to the basement. He half-expected Eskild to follow after him to offer that they could talk but that never happened and Isak breathed a sigh of relief as he rifled through his meagre collection of clothes to find something fresh he could wear in school.

Isak used to like school. 

Before. 

Before everything got too complicated and messed up. Too _harsh_. When he could still enjoy his friends’ company instead of evading them at any given chance.

It would be too much to try and explain the intricate mess that he had gotten himself in. Some days, he didn’t even know how to explain it to himself, thought that maybe he’d wake up from a very long, very elaborate nightmare.

But he knew all of this was real and finding the right words to tell even his best friend seemed to be too hard.

Isak pulled his hood deeper into his face when he entered the schoolyard, making sure to keep his eyes on the ground as he swiftly walked to his locker and got his things. It was just his luck that he made it there at the same time that Jonas was at his locker three rows down.

Isak held his breath but it had been almost two years that Isak had completely cut his best friend out of his life and he didn’t try to approach him anymore. There was an ache in Isak’s chest he didn’t quite know how to get rid of.

 

Isak was back in the fighting ring a couple days later. The bruises from the last fight were barely healed yet but it didn’t really matter. Isak just _needed_ the rush he got while he was fighting.

Isak smirked when he faced his opponent. Julian. He was a tiny guy who consisted of nothing but muscle. They had been fighting against each other before — and had actually gone for beers afterwards, on Julian since he had won and Isak had been waiting for a chance to defeat him ever since.

“Beers later?” Julian suggested with a determined grin, “On me.”

Isak chuckled, “We’ll see.” And then the bell that indicated the beginning of the fight chimed and Isak concentrated on the here and now. He had learned how Julian moved and fought in the last time they got together so he could use that to his advantage now.

It was still a difficult fight to win and he received more than enough punches, one to the abdomen that almost made him throw up. There was the taste of copper on his tongue and Isak’s temple was pulsing.

But in the end, he held the prize money in his hand and shot the crowd a victorious (and bloody) smile. His eyes, however, darted around the room to make sure that Niko wasn’t around.

Usually, he didn’t come to fights anymore because he had built up a well-working system that made sure he didn’t have to be around all the time and instead could tend to whatever other illegal businesses he was running but Isak also owed him something so the chances that Niko wanted to collect Isak’s dues was rather high.

Isak had a good vantage point from where he was standing so when his eyes eventually met the icy grey of Niko’s eyes, Isak also spotted Niko’s bulky (and deadly) entourage closing in on him from all sides.

“ _Fuck_ ,” He muttered. It was stupid to come back here when he willingly antagonised Niko like that but he needed this to survive so he had to take the risk. Unfortunately, Isak wasn’t as small as Julian, so simply disappearing in the crowd was out of the question.

He could try nevertheless. He’d been running all his life, this shouldn’t be too hard. HIs survival instinct kicked in and he ducked past a couple people, scouting the room for an easy escape. Except there was nothing easy about this.

Isak managed to snatch a baseball cap from someone in the crowd to at least hide his telltale hair but that was as far as he could go with his disguise.

And in the end, it didn’t help him when he almost ran head on into one of Niko’s lackeys. While Isak’s thoughts screeched to a halt, not knowing what to do, his body didn’t hesitate to punch him in the face.

The surprise of it made the guy stumble and Isak’s brain wasn’t quick enough to catch up with what was going on before he was already running, pushing outside, evading another one of Niko’s men and then he was rushing down the street.

Muscle memory took him to the place he hadn’t seen since after the last fight. Isak’s veins were pounding with adrenaline and he was going through five cigarettes rapidly while he caught his breath before he found a pebble and hauled it at a window on the second floor of the house.

It took a moment before Even opened the window and peeked outside to see what the disturbance was and when he caught Isak’s gaze, Isak smirked up at him, raising his eyebrow suggestively.

A smile of his own bloomed on Even’s face quickly and he retreated into the room and after a couple minutes, the front door was opening. “Back for more?” Even teased.

Isak tilted his head a little, asking in a challenging undertone, “Well, are you gonna let me in?”

Even stepped to the side to let Isak inside. Once they were in Even’s room, Isak turned around to kiss Even, short and heavy before he pulled away again and went to smoke another cigarette. His hands were trembling still and his gaze flickered across the empty street downstairs as if Niko or his henchmen would show up any second.

He really hadn’t thought this through. But he’d had enough of Niko’s tyranny and there had to be a way to be free of it. Until he had figured that out, he’d lie low for a while.

“Are you okay?” Even’s voice cut through his haze.

Isak huffed. He wasn’t here to talk. Stubbing out the cigarette butt, he flicked it out the window, not caring where it landed in Even’s yard. He turned around to Even again, taking off his shirt before he started kissing Even again.

With Even’s enthusiastic hands on him, it was easy for Isak to forget about Niko for a while.

 

"So I have a major mood disorder," Even said that night as he lay buckass naked in his bed next to Isak, cigarette in hand. "It kinda sucks, sometimes it makes me not be able to get out of bed, but it's alright I guess.”

Isak froze. He did not want to know this. This was definitely not what he came here for. Ever since his near run in with Niko, he was showing up at Even’s place a lot more often than not instead of going to the fighting ring.

So far, it had all gone well. There was no threat in the form of Niko in Isak’s life and he got to fuck the gorgeous boy next to him at least three times a week — the comfortable bed for the night was also a clear bonus. None of their encounters so far had included any substantial conversation.

So why now?

Isak snatched the cigarette from Even’s fingers, his own long gone. Almost desperately, he sucked on it, trying to suppress the flare of panic in his chest. He didn’t want to know anything about Even. He was a convenient fuck, nothing more.

Something still urged him to ask, “Why are you telling me this?”

Even shifted around and grabbed the pack of cigarettes from the bedside table. He fiddled around with it but didn’t actually take another cigarette out. “We’re strangers. You don’t care about me and I can’t tell anyone else.”

Isak furrowed his brow, something uneasy slithering in his stomach. “So you’re depressed?” Isak asked quietly. Unwanted images of his mother came to his mind, of her in bed, lulled in darkness and desperation for weeks and then her violent outbursts that had eventually driven his father away. It wasn’t depression but it came close enough to what Even had mentioned for Isak to feel a flicker of sympathy, wishing for a way to make it easier for Even but at the same time there was also that inherent desire to run away as fast as possible.

“It depends. It changes between being depressed and manic to put it simply. I—“ Even cut himself off and Isak watched as he crumpled the pack of cigarettes in his hand, “Lost a lot because of it.”

Isak let his gaze wander around the room; the closet that was spilling over with clothes, the pictures on the walls, the bookcase. It barely looked like his own childhood room but it resembled it enough so that it was hard for Isak to believe that Even had lost anything at all.

Even wasn’t the one who struggled to make it from day to day, feeling like he was hanging on a thread. Isak swallowed the envy in his throat down and bit his lip until he tasted blood on his tongue so he wouldn’t insult Even.

He threw his smoked cigarette in the cup on the bedside table and remained quiet until Even decided to continue speaking.

“Before,” Even swallowed thickly, forcefully unclenching his fist around the pack of cigarettes, “Before I was diagnosed, I had a major episode. I ruined basically all my friendships and— a lot more than that. My— parents didn’t know how to handle the situation. They— I haven’t seen them in four years. Have been living with my aunt ever since.”

Isak gritted his teeth. What did Even expect of him? Isak scrambled out of bed, pacing the room a couple times before he abruptly grabbed his jeans and shirt and muttered, “I should go.”

Even’s eyes widened. “I’ll shut up if you want to stay. Sorry,” He blurted, not meeting Isak’s eyes.

“You’ll really shut up?” Isak couldn’t help but ask but quickly tagged on, “We can kiss instead?”

Luckily, that lifted the tension a little, making Even chuckle. “We can do that.”

It became somewhat of a habit. Isak couldn’t say how but whenever he ended up in Even’s bed — which was more often than not — afterwards Even would tell him about his life. And while Isak listened intently, he never said anything in return until Even shut up again and they fell asleep as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Isak wasn’t quite sure how many nights like this passed before he whispered into the quiet of the room, “I have a sister.”

“Oh?” Similar to what Isak always did, Even barely reacted.

Isak took a couple deep breaths. “She’s living with my dad. Sometimes, I let myself miss her.” Even shifted next to him and Isak felt the tension in the air. Before Even could break it, Isak fidgeted around to light a cigarette.

Lea, much like everything else that had to do with his family, was in his past and there was no use in dwelling on that.

Isak let the harsh smoke cloud his thoughts of his sister until he could pretend he had forgotten about her again.

 

Isak was avoiding Even, he didn’t even try to tell himself that he wasn’t. He had never meant to talk about Lea to Even, to let something so personal slip.

He was roaming the city without a clear destination when he heard a shout behind him.

“Hey!”

Isak froze, he knew that voice all too well. Slowly he turned around, despite everything in him screaming to run.

Niko had a malicious smirk on his lips and Isak shuddered. “You disappeared so quickly last time, I didn’t even get my money yet.”

Isak gritted his teeth, glaring at him. “What money?” He asked innocently. _Stupidly._

Niko stepped closer to him, anger seething in his eyes. Always anger. “ _My_ money,” He repeated, “The forty-five percent you owe me.”

Isak jutted his chin out a little, defiantly. His brain was screaming at him that he was behaving absolutely recklessly and should just accept Niko’s terms. But instead, he growled, “I won that money fair and square, it’s _mine_.”

“Isak,” Niko clicked his tongue, expression stony. He crossed the rest of the distance between them. “This is _my_ show, _my_ money. You play by _my_ rules. And trust me, you don’t wanna find out what will happen if you don’t,” He hissed, the coldness in his tone seeping into Isak’s bones. “I’ve got you by the balls, Valtersen,” Making sure Isak understood, Niko grabbed his crotch, tightly, painfully. “I _own_ you,” He whispered hotly against Isak’s ear.

Isak bit his lip to stop from screaming out in pain. There was a thought flashing in his mind, one that told him he was quite possibly suicidal but it didn’t stop him from spitting Niko in the face when he pushed away from him. “Fuck you, I’m done with this shit.” 

“If you walk out here like that now, you’re a dead man,” Niko threatened as he wiped the spit off his face and the look in his eyes was a promise. Isak didn’t doubt him.

Isak took a deep breath, nostrils flaring. “I have a deal for you,” He growled.

Niko flicked his eyebrows up. “And what makes you think you’re in a position to offer deals?” But he seemed interested enough so Isak kept talking.

“A fight in the ring. You against me. If I win, I keep fighting and I keep my prize money one-hundred percent and you leave me the fuck alone. If you win, well…” He trailed off, no need to finish that sentence. If Niko won, he was a dead man walking.

Niko smirked. “Your arrogance is astounding. It will be your downfall,” He stretched out his hand for Isak to shake, “Today in a week. Usual time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought :)  
> Part 2 will be out hopefully soon!


End file.
